Always Be
by WhispertheWolf
Summary: Aerrow comes home happy and joyful. When he gets back, Radarr is not there . . . *Dedicated to my best friend Louia* AU since "Cyclonia Rising"
1. Chapter 1: The Shock

I'm finally happy again and well enough to right. You'll find out why I was upset in the first place if you keep reading.

Disclaimer: I do not know _Storm Hawks_. They are property of Nerd Corps.

* * *

**Always Be**

_**Inspired by a True Story**_

**By WhispertheWolf**

_Dedicated to Louia, the best dog that ever lived, a faithful friend andloyal companion. She walked me up to my bus stop on the morning of October 10, 2008 and saw me off to school as always—and was not there when I came home. She was 6 years old. She was my shadow, part of my identity, and will always be part of my heart._

Chapter 1: The Shock

_You never see it coming. It doesn't seem possible._

On Terra Atmosia, Aerrow and Finn drove up in front of the _Condor_, laughing and joking about Aerrow's latest stunt. Aerrow was grinning ear to ear. Not only had he skimmedPatrick'sPeak, but he had also been successful in helping out another Sky Knight, turned in a report to the Sky Knight Council, had been noticed by a girl in town, avoided Piper's shopping trip, and still find time to play keep-away with his friends. He was feeling even more optimistic than usual.

He didn't know it yet, but he'd never forget this day. Unfortunately, it wouldn't be because of his happiness.

Aerrow would always remember noticing four things as he entered the _Condor_.

One: A turtle had been crushed by some ship or skyride that had passed by ahead of them. The poor thing. He didn't realize then, but it was an omen.

Two: There were rusty picks and shovels leaning against the ship. Peculiar. He decided he'd ask Piper about that.

Three: Trash was strewn all over the ground around the _Condor's_ entrance. Radarr must have gotten out and gotten into the trash. Again. Aerrow sighed. When Radarr made a mess, it was his responsibility to clean it up. It was then he wished that he had woken the little guy up before he went out. Then Radarr would have been within him instead of in trouble. But Aerrow had let his co-pilot sleep.

Four: Radarr wasn't waiting for him. He was probably inside with the others, maybe sneaking some of Piper's sandcakes.

Both boys knew something wasn't right has soon as they stepped onto the bridge. Everyone was quiet and melancholy. All eyes turned to them when they entered. Aerrow could feel the shock and fear as it filled the room like a dark fog. He searched each face.

Stork's face spoke of doom, but his voice, for once, was silent of it. Junko looked as if he had been crying, and he still continued to sniffle. Aerrow finally looked at Piper sitting in one of the chairs in the corner, and their eyes met. Those eyes scared him. He looked away quickly and glanced around for Radarr's expression. Surprisingly, he wasn't room. Odd . . .

Piper stood and walked toward him. "Aerrow, we need to talk. Actually," she said, taking his arm, "let's go sit down."

Finn looked confused as Piper led Aerrow away, but he was soon stopped by Junko and Stork from following. Stork whispered in his ear. Finn's eyes widened.

Piper sat Aerrow down at one of the couches surrounding the round meeting table. Aerrow played with his hands, knowing something was very wrong. Death was in the air; he could feel it. Was one of their friends lost? He heard Piper pull up a chair and was surprised to find her take his hands in hers. "Aerrow," she began, "this morning, after you had gone out, Starling came by and asked me where Radarr was."

Aerrow's heart stopped. No. He could see what was coming, and he didn't want to hear anymore. He wanted to get away.

"He left right after he woke up, and I hadn't seen him since then," Piper continued. "I told Starling that you hadn't taken him with you, and he was probably out getting into trouble, as usual when you're not here."

No. It couldn't be true.

Piper took a breath. She knew that Aerrow knew, but she still couldn't bring herself to say it. "Aerrow, Starling found a furry animal on one of the side streets not far from town. We couldn't tell what the creature was." She shifted uncomfortably at the horrifying image. "It seemed to have taken a head-on collision with a skyride. But," she stammered, on the verge of tears herself. "It was him. It had his uniform. Aerrow . . . Radarr is gone."

No.

"I'm so sorry," Piper gasped, holding back her own tears.

Aerrow didn't know what to say, what to feel; the world had stopped. He wanted to burst into tears, but he couldn't. All he could think was: _Gone? Radarr gone? No more Skimmer rides together? No more playing games and goofing off together? No more nights alone in my room with the only one who truly listens and understands? _It wasn't possible. It couldn't be.

Aerrow pinched himself, ready to wake up from a bad dream. Nothing happened.

After that, everything was a blur. He remembered the others crowding around, perhaps telling him how sorry they were and how they shared his sorrow, but he didn't hear what they were saying. He had to get away somehow, get away from this. Piper's hand had been on his arm, but he brushed it away.

The next thing he remembered was being in his room—_their_ room. Alone. Without him.

Aerrow took a deep breath. His friends were probably wishing to comfort him and definitely shared his pain, but right now, he need time. Time to think. Time to grasp the facts. Time to admit the truth. Time to mourn. Time to deal.

Time to accept.

Aerrow's eyes scanned the room. He could see the place at the edge of the bed where Radarr liked to sleep. He looked at his pictures on the wall. He had a picture of Piper, Junko and Finn laughing, Dove . . . no Radarr. Why hadn't he put up a picture of Radarr? _Because it seemed I didn't need to_, he thought. _He was always here._

He walked toward the dresser. He and Radarr both had very few possessions. They had both been orphans, alone and without family until they found each other. Now Aerrow opened the drawer that belonged to Radarr. A couple of Radarr-sized outfits were in it, as well as all of his little trinkets and artifacts that he loved to collect. Among his prized possessions were two pictures. Aerrow picked them up carefully, treating them as if they would dissolve in his hands if he didn't.

One was of that hen Radarr simply adored, whether he ever admitted it or not. Briefly Aerrow wondered how she would feel about this loss. How would she take it? _Great_, he thought. _Now I'm feeling sorry for a chicken._ All the same, he couldn't see a difference between chickens and humanoids in feelings of grief . . . except for maybe the fact that he eats chickens and not humanoids.

The other picture made Aerrow's stomach turn uncomfortably. It was a picture of him and Radarr together, smiling at each other as Radarr hung from the Sky Knight's shoulders. It was right after Aerrow had been knighted, and they had been feeling full of high spirits and celebration. Aerrow closed his eyes. Never again could it be like that. Never again.

He carefully put the pictures back and was about to shut the drawer when he stopped as something soft brushed against his skin. He looked a second time. A clump of sky blue fur was stuck between the drawer and the dresser. Radarr's fur. He must have once shut this on himself.

Aerrow reached down and tickled his fingertips on the tiny hairs. Gently he pulled the fur from its trap. Sitting on his bed, he rubbed it in his fingers. It was soft—softer than the finest silk. It was warm—warmer than a winter coat on a summer day.

Aerrow was numb. He felt nothing, no sorrow, no anger, no bitterness, nothing but shock. And so he didn't know why or how it happened, but it did.

For the first time in over a year, Aerrow cried.


	2. Chapter 2: Not A Dream

I'd like to thank y'all for all of your condolences. They mean a lot.

Oh, and just for the record, there are no pairings in just fic. Just putting that out there because there are moments of great friendship between boy and girl characters, especially in this chapter.

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Chapter 2: Not a Dream

_The world stops turning. All of this doesn't seem real._

Aerrow lay in bed as the sun rose the next morning, not conscious enough to know anything other than the light from the window was hurting his eyes. His was still quite fatigued. He hadn't slept.

Aerrow groaned as his stomach rumbled. Hunger drove him from his warm, comfortable bed. His mind foggy with weariness, he staggered toward the door, deciding that the best thing to do in this state was to splash cold water on his face. Making his way to the bathroom, he washed his face and looked at the mirror, studying the dark circles under his eyes.

He felt like he could have had a whole pot of coffee and still feel tired. In his exhaustion, he immediately began to do what he did every morning. Find Radarr and go fix the two of them some breakfast. He began searching for his furry co-pilot purely out of habit. "Hey, Radarr," he called down the corridor. "You hungry?"

Then it hit him and he froze. Aerrow shook his head. Had it really happened? Was he really . . . ? Aerrow's memory was so blurry that he could not remember whether or not it had all been dream. It was possible, wasn't it? Had it all been a dream?

Frantically Aerrow ran back to his room and then made his way to the bathroom, the kitchen, the bridge, anywhere that he thought Radarr could possibly be. Desperately he called his name down the corridors, hoping not to wake the others while he was at it.

Radarr didn't come.

It was no dream. Aerrow had known; he had known it all along. He just hadn't wanted to believe it nor did he want to believe it now. _I'm still dreaming, _he told himself. _It's nothing but a bad dream. I'll wake up soon, and everything will be alright._

Aerrow pinched himself and waited. Nothing. Only pain. This was real. Whether he liked it or not, this was real.

He remembered why he was so hungry. He hadn't eaten dinner last night. He simply hadn't wanted to leave his room. Besides, his stomach had hurt. No one came to get him, anyway. It was very likely that the others had gotten the same ugly feeling in the pit of their stomachs and they had no formal dinner.

And now he also remembered why he hadn't slept. Every time he was almost asleep, he had glanced over to where Radarr usually slept only to find it empty.

His appetite was gone. Going back to the kitchen, he was about to grab a banana when he decided against it. Radarr loved bananas. Instead he grabbed a slice of bread and headed back to his room, not intending on coming out any time soon.

* * *

It was much later when Aerrow heard a knock on the door. "Aerrow?"

Piper. "Come in."

Piper stepped inside. She had been crying, he could tell. The realization of that hit him hard. He was being selfish. In his grief, he had forgotten that the others were mourning as well.

Piper played with her hands and refused to look at him, sniffling softly. "Starling's here," she said. "She offered to help . . . to help us with the burial."

Of course. The burial. Aerrow hadn't wanted to think about that. To acknowledge it would be to acknowledge the fact that Radarr was gone forever. But they couldn't keep what was left; it was only a matter of time before the body began to spoil. "I'll come," he answered. He stood and stopped, thinking. "The others. Are they going to help?"

Piper nodded. "Even Stork offered."

Aerrow nodded and followed Piper out of his room. Tears threatened the back of his eyes, but he refused to let them come. No one he knew had ever seen him cry. No one who was still with him, anyway. And he intended to keep it that way. Only Radarr had known of any weakness on his part. Secrets that Aerrow refused to tell of his own vulnerability would die with Radarr and himself. Showing any weakness was dangerous, especially to a warrior. Besides, Aerrow was not one to want pity from others.

But it hurt.

Sky Knight squadrons they knew from all over Atmos were there at the top of the hill chosen for his burial: the Rebel Ducks, the Rex Guardians, the Third Degree Burners, the Absolute Zeroes, the Buff Buzzards, the Screaming Queens. They had probably been informed by Starling. Wren and Dove were there as well, standing close to the Rebel Ducks. Radarr's chicken girlfriend was at their feet. Aerrow wasn't sure if the chicken knew what was going on. She didn't seem sad, but she looked shocked and confused, looking every which way to spot her darling. She didn't seem to grasp what had happened, but she knew something was wrong.

Someone handed Aerrow a shovel without question. None was needed. It was clear he felt the need to help dig the grave.

The Storm Hawks worked side-by-side. The silence was broken only by the shovels digging into the dirt and the soft thud as loose soil fell to the ground. It seemed so unreal to Aerrow, so dreamlike. It was as if he was in a trance. Or perhaps the world was in a trance. He wasn't sure.

It seemed wrong when they prepared to put the body into the hole. It had been placed in a trash bag for the unspoken reason of keeping all the pieces together. The thought made Aerrow shiver in disgust. That's all that was left of his best friend. Pieces.

It seemed even more wrong when they placed the bag in the hole without a preacher's words. Aerrow was never the religious type, but at any funeral or memorial service for a humanoid, such a thing was done. But no preacher in their right mind would bother to come all the way out of the city boundaries just a for an animal's burial.

Earth was piled back into the hole, creating a small mound. They covered the mound with large rocks, some so big only Junko and Burner could carry them. This was done so that hungry wild animals would not come digging him up.

Aerrow had helped dig the grave, he knew. He had helped fill the hole. He had helped cover it with stones. Yet it seemed he had been observing someone else doing the work. He felt like an onlooker, staring from a distance.

It was done. Aerrow was numb head to toe. The sun beat down on his head and neck, and yet he felt cold. Not a shivering cold. That kind of cold could be felt. He couldn't really _feel_ this cold. It was more like he could feel the absence of heat—the absence of life. He was cold. Cold and empty.

The others were starting to talk now. The silence was broken. They spoke sorrowfully of cheerier times and mentioned to one another how unfortunate this was. Slowly they began to separate into groups as they held sober conversation.

Aerrow didn't join them. He stood in front of the grave, staring at it. He didn't feel right here. He wanted the others to just leave so that he may be alone here with him. It was like he was part of the background of the picture that was supposed to be his portrait. His friends were here for him, but he didn't want them. They weren't helping.

Aerrow felt someone tap on his shoulder. He turned and saw Finn, who gestured toward the group. Aerrow nodded and followed him to join the others, although it was the last thing he wanted to do.

He didn't comprehend much of what went on when he was in the crowd. Starling told him how sorry she was and how horrible she had felt when she found him. She knew what he was going through, she said, having once lost her whole squadron. Harrier expressed his condolences and told him he knew how he felt. Billy Rex said likewise. By the time the fourth person told Aerrow they knew how he felt, he was plain annoyed by it. He had to get away, to be by himself for awhile longer. He wasn't ready yet to move on, and the idea that others had gone through this ahead of him was a clue that they were prompting him to do just that.

At last, moving about as though in a daze, Aerrow finally was able to slip away and head toward the _Condor_. He saw Stork slip inside ahead of him. Typical.

He had almost reached the ramp when another voice stopped him again. "Aerrow?"

Darn. Almost there.

Aerrow turned and was pleased at who he saw. Of all people, she was the one person he was willing to tolerate.

Dove was standing a little ways back, looking down at her feet as she spoke. "I was hoping I could talk to you. I'm probably not much help but . . ."

"Go ahead," Aerrow prompt and stepped closer. He liked having Dove around about has much as he enjoyed the company of his own teammates and Starling. Aerrow and Dove had gained a strong, friendly respect for each other when the Storm Hawks had been accused of a chain of thievery. She alone had believed them innocent . . . at first. They lost her confidence, however, when they were framed. When she found out the truth, that the Raptors were the thieves, she was humbly sorry for her mistake and sought his forgiveness. Yet Aerrow never forgot that she believed them in the first place. At the same time, if the Storm Hawks, and Aerrow in particular, had not won her respect and admiration to begin with, they had it now. Her fiery spirit often reminded Aerrow of himself, yet there was a boldness about her that he was sure he could never measure up to. And yet she was thoughtful, though uncomfortable in personal situations.

Her unease showed now as she shifted from foot to foot. "Everyone's going to tell you zey're sorry and zey know how you feel, if they haven't already."

"They have," Aerrow confirmed, trying to keep slight irritation out of his voice.

"Well," she said in her French accent, "so am I. I do know how you feel. Zerefore, I know that dose words don't do no good. But zit gets better. Only time helps, I think." She sighed again. "Only time. But if you need anything, anything at all, just contact me and I'm here. I just want you to know zat. Anything at all." She stammered, obviously fighting her discomfort with the situation.

Aerrow felt a faint smile on his lips. It was the most helpful thing anyone had said to him all day. "Thank you," he said.

"You want to be alone?" Dove guessed.

Aerrow nodded. Dove left awkwardly. She truly did seem to know how he felt. He wondered why. What had she lost?

Aerrow wandered onto the ship and slumped down into one of the couches surrounding the round table. He didn't see Stork approach, but he came. "These came today," Stork said, placing three message crystals on the table.

Aerrow glanced at them momentarily before turning away. He didn't want to listen to them just yet.

* * *

The Storm Hawks had a dinner that night. A dinner they all sat down to at a table with an empty chair and a missing plate. A dinner that no one could stomach and no one ate. Except for Junko. Rather than sorrow keeping away his hunger, Junko's sadness seemed to strengthen his appetite. Comfort food is what they call it, Aerrow believed. Junko's misery gave him the munchies. He finished his dinner and slowly began working on finishing everyone else's dinner.

Finally Piper said they should eat something, and everyone took a bite of pork. They were going to have chicken that night, but it didn't seem right to eat someone of Radarr's girlfriend's species on this night of all nights.

Finn found out that he was actually starving and quickly claimed his dinner before Junko could ask for it. Stork, who didn't eat much, settled for one bite and let Junko take his. Piper and Aerrow both picked at their food, every now and then actually eating something. Aerrow was hungry, but he didn't know how hungry. His stomach hurt too much for him to tell.

Aerrow couldn't take it any longer. Sitting here in the silence with this dark, mournful, suffocating atmosphere was killing him. His need to be alone had faded into a need to talk to someone. Radarr was normally who he talked to. When he needed feedback like he did now, however, he would talk with Piper. But Piper seemed so doleful lately, and Aerrow likewise, that it would have been a production for both of them to talk to one another. Aerrow would have happily taken Dove up on her offer to be there for him, but he wanted someone he could talk to face-to-face and Dove and the others had already left to go home, including Starling, who would have been another good person to talk with. He had to deal with people when he had wanted to be alone, and now he had to deal with being alone when he wanted the company of other people.

He stood, taking his plate to the kitchen, making it clear he was leaving. Might as well escape this deadly silence now.

The world was still in a trancelike state to him. This nightmare could possibly just be that, a nightmare. And the sooner he left, the sooner it would end.

To his own surprise, he didn't want to go to his room after he set his plate in the sink. Too many memories of Radarr were in that room. He stood and thought a moment.

The bridge. Aerrow had left the three message crystals on the round table on the bridge. He'd check those. He walked out onto the bridge and picked up the first stone on the table, listening to its message.

The message didn't process in his head. He heard it, but he didn't understand it. He picked up the second one. Same thing. Same with the third. They were condolence messages, one from Lynn, one from Ayrgyn, and one from Tritonn. They all told him how sorry they were. The same thing he had been hearing all day.

One burial. Three condolence messages. Many people telling him they were sorry. Aerrow sank onto the couch and set his elbows on the table as held his head in his hands. There was no possible way this was a dream. Every part of it was actually happening.

Aerrow felt terrible at first as he was forced to face the horrifying truth. And yet, brooding over it for a good half hour alone on the bridge, his mind cleared. From the acceptance of the truth, he felt a calm sensation come over him. He couldn't say whether it was comforting or saddening. All he knew was that it was all real.


	3. Chapter 3: Reflection

Chapter 3: Reflection

_Guilt shadows the soul. The little things are missed. Faith, once hardly thought about, finds importance._

In our lifetime, there are many 'what ifs'. What if I hadn't punched the guy in my class who was making me angry? Then I wouldn't be in detention. What if I had studied for the test? Then maybe I would have passed. What if I had listened to my mother and stayed close to her instead of running off? Then I wouldn't be lost. What if I had remembered to zip my pants up before I went to the job interview? Then I might have the job. What if I just worn boots instead of slippers up in the hay loft of the barn? Then I might not have fallen and spent the rest of my life in a wheelchair.

A 'what if' can be a big thing or a small thing. We have little ones all the time, but they are easily forgotten in the end. It's the ones that would have made major changes that we remember.

Aerrow was thinking of 'what ifs'. Little things that would have made a big difference. What if he had just woken Radarr up and taken him with him? What if he hadn't gone out that morning at all? His hindsight was 20/20; he could easily see what he could have done to prevent this.

_This was my fault, _he thought.

Sitting his bed, he looked around his room. He had known all along he would outlive Radarr. Their lifespans just didn't correlate. Radarr had been less than a year old when he had met seven-year-old Aerrow. Aerrow had watched him grow from a pup into an adult. It was well known that the average Sky Knight didn't live long past seventy unless they retired. Their lives were too stressful and fraught with danger. But Radarr wouldn't have lived that long, anyway. But still, it wasn't supposed to happen just yet. Radarr would have been reaching the end of his life as soon as he turned twelve. That still would have given Aerrow and Radarr five more years. Five more years for them to be together. Five more years for Radarr to watch Aerrow grow into a man, just as Aerrow had done for him. Five more years that they will never have. And it was his fault.

Aerrow held his head in his hands. Whenever he was upset like this, Radarr used to come in rub up against. Now there was nothing. Sometimes Aerrow found himself listening for a crash that let him know that his furry co-pilot was getting into trouble again. He used to get so annoyed with that. He wouldn't be anymore if it happened.

Sometimes when Aerrow sat beside Radarr, he could hear all the silly little noises Radarr made: his squeaky yawns, his tiny burps, and his soft churr that rumbled in his throat. His churrs used to express how he felt, depending on their pitch. Aerrow hadn't thought much about those sounds before, but now he would give anything for such a sound to break the silence.

Amazing how you come to miss the little things.

Aerrow was looking at the pictures on his wall again. No Radarr. He would have to put up Radarr's picture of them. Perhaps Piper had some pictures as well.

Stork hadn't made it on his wall either, thanks to the Merb's hatred for having his picture taken. Aerrow knew now just how quickly one's friends could be taken away and now he was determined to get his camera sometime in the near future and makeStork hold still, whether he wanted to or not.

Strange how you come to realize that some unimportant things really are important.

The stillness was too much, and Aerrow left. He had to be somewhere not so quiet and dull, but someplace where he wouldn't run into the others. That should be easy enough to find. The others were probably already asleep by now. Aerrow quietly tiptoed toward the kitchen, slipping quietly into a chair. The ship wasn't humming like it usually was. All systems were down while they were parked on Terra Atmosia in order to save energy for when they really needed it. Yet it made Aerrow think of a different reason, a metaphor of sorts. They were all sad and silent. Even the _Condor_ wasn't singing like she normally did.

Yet in the _Condor's_ muteness, Aerrow could hear very clearly the sounds of nature just outside his door. He could here the crickets chirping, the low hoot of a barn owl, and the rustle of leaves as little animals moved about. They were close enough to the city for Aerrow to hear the sound of a skyride every now and then, but far enough away that it didn't disturb the wildlife just outside the city boundaries.

They were beautiful sounds to Aerrow's ears. Slowly he raised his eyes to look out the window and see the world that the creatures of the night were bringing to life. The world was simply dark silhouettes against a black sky. There was no moon tonight, but there were stars, millions of them. Aerrow frowned. There should be billions, but he knew the light from the city, particularly the beacon tower, was drowning them out. Even so, the stars were still beautiful.

It had once been said to Aerrow that, when good people die, they go to a paradise in the sky, and when that don't go to the paradise because they were bad or refused to go, they would go to a dark, fiery pit. As the young Sky Knight looked upon the skies, he couldn't help but wonder: Do animals go to the paradise or just people? Of all animals, Radarr deserves to go. He liked to think that he had a chance to go to the paradise, but if Radarr wasn't there, he wasn't going.

* * *

And on that happy note . . .

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	4. Chapter 4: No One Understands

Chapter 4: No One Understands

_No one seems to understand how you feel. You come to realize just how much you are needed._

"Aerrow. Aerrow, wake up, man."

Aerrow opened his eyes lazily. He had fallen asleep at the kitchen table. Someone was shaking him awake. He lifted his head and blinked, trying to clear his blurry vision.

"So . . . is this more comfortable than your bed or did you just decided you wanted to beat me to breakfast?"

Aerrow finally figured out who it was. Finn. And he sounded surprisingly cheery, as if nothing had change the last two days. Aerrow wondered how he could act like that when everything had changed.

"Speaking of breakfast, what is for breakfast?" Finn asked. "I'm starving."

"Don't know," Aerrow mumbled sleepily before laying his head back down on the table.

Finn looked over at him sympathetically. "Rough night?"

"Yeah."

Finn seemed to sober a little. "Yeah, it's hard," he said. On a lighter note, he added, "But hey, he wouldn't want us to stop living. Life goes on."

"What's got you so happy?" Aerrow grumbled. He wasn't in the optimistic mood and didn't need to be preached to.

"I just got tired of being sad," Finn answered.

Aerrow wiped his eyes. "Aren't we all."

"Oh," Finn exclaimed as he slipped his bread into the toaster, "after breakfast, want to go spar or something?"

"No," Aerrow answered flatly. For some strange reason, Finn's happy mood was really ticking him off.

"Ah, come on," Finn begged. "It'll be good for you. It will get your mind off of . . ."

"I said no, Finn!"

Finn shied away. "Alright, you don't have to be snappish about it. Sheesh, I was just hoping to have some fun. You don't have to be so mean about it."

Aerrow left the room stiffly. He didn't understand. Some people deal with loss by getting their mind off of it. Aerrow wasn't one of those people. He didn't _want_ to get his mind off it. He needed to have time to just shut down and deal. If he didn't, he wouldn't come back the same.

Finn grumbled as he went back to his toast. He truly was tired of being sad, and he wanted to have some fun. He _needed_ to have some fun. Whenever things went wrong or when he needed something, he had always relied on Aerrow to help him. Aerrow's flat-out refusal to help made Finn angry.

The calmness that Aerrow had when he accepted Radarr's death was still with him, but he was a long way from healed. He was back to being himself, but it was a different part of himself. He hadn't even realized it until almost halfway through the day, but he wasn't laughing and smiling like he normally did. He was frowning a lot and snapping at any small thing that irritated him. He had the overwhelming desire to be with his friends but just as strong a desire to be nowhere near them.

Stork seemed to have disappeared and Finn seemed a bit angry, but after the first few hours Aerrow was awake, Junko seemed to cling to him for dear life. He was talking a lot about various things and hugging him a lot. Aerrow's bones ached and swore the next time Junko embraced him he'd probably break a few.

Finally Junko was telling Aerrow how much he missed Radarr and how Radarr used to do this and that. Aerrow liked talking about Radarr but not so much about how he was feeling. Junko was really big on discussing feelings. Aerrow couldn't see any escape from the topic until Junko turned his back and the Sky Knight quietly slipped away.

When Junko turned back around, he stopped in mid-sentence and was hurt. Aerrow didn't even want to listen to him. But why? Aerrow always listened.

There wasn't any formal lunch that day. People popped in and out the kitchen, picking up food as they pleased. That's why, when his hunger was satisfied, Aerrow stayed as far away from the kitchen as possible.

Piper finally found him sitting on one of the couches at the round table. "Aerrow?" she asked tentatively.

Aerrow gave her a small, strained smile and invited her to come sit down. He was as pleased to see her as he was to see Dove yesterday.

Why is it that the easiest people for him to talk to were girls?

Piper sat down next to him. "How are you doing?" she asked.

Aerrow shrugged. "I'm okay," he lied. To be honest, he didn't really know.

Piper could see that he wasn't telling the whole truth. "You know," she said, "when I little, before I met you, I had a cat named Sissy."

Aerrow raised an eyebrow. "Sissy?"

Piper shrugged. "I was five years old when I named her, okay? But anyway, the same thing happened to her. Hit by a skyride when I was nine." She sighed. "It was really hard."

Aerrow looked away. Here it comes again. Another one of those 'I know how you feel' stories. He wasn't expecting that from Piper, who was also upset about Radarr.

Piper was quiet for awhile before she asked, "Do you ever have trouble crying after something bad has happened?"

Aerrow looked at her in surprise. "Trouble _crying_?"

Piper nodded. "I've wanted to cry for Radarr, but I can't seem to."

"No," Aerrow answered flatly. Why would someone _want_ to cry anyway?

"Look, Aerrow, I know it's hard. He was special to all of us. We all loved him. And I know the two of you were really close. But you've got to stop moping around and just let go. Whether that means just letting it out or just accepting it is up to you." She leaned against his shoulder, adding, "And I guess I should, too."

Aerrow felt uncomfortable. He'd heard enough of this. If he could stop moping around, he would, but he can't. Not yet. And the one thing she didn't seem to realize was that he had accepted it. There was no point in continuing this conversation. He didn't really want to comfort Piper right now, either. He wasn't sure he could handle his own emotions, much less everyone else's, yet that seemed to be what everyone else wanted him to do.

Aerrow stood and started to leave. Piper called after him and he could hear the disappointment in her voice. She needed him. But he couldn't handle it now. "I've gotta go," he insisted.

"Aerrow, let's . . ."

"Look!" he snapped and turned around, shouting. "I don't want to talk now, alright?! I don't want everyone pitying over me like I'm some sort of infant, and I don't want to pity others like infants, either!" He turned away. "You just don't understand!"

"I was just trying to help," he heard Piper grumble irritably. "Obviously I'm not worth your time!"

"Maybe your not," Aerrow agreed, letting his anger take control of his tongue.

She shook her head. "You're so . . . selfish!" She stomped off the bridge, the door slamming behind her.

Aerrow stared after her. She didn't understand. No one understood. His heart pounded in his throat angrily, and he plopped back on the couch, snarling.

It took a few minutes for him to calm down. When he did, he looked at the closed door. The misunderstanding was on both sides, he realized. They were trying to comfort him by asking him to comfort himself instead of giving him space. And they wanted to be comforted, leaning on him for support. They didn't realize that there was nothing left to lean on. He was abandoning them because he couldn't handle it. He'd get better, he knew, but he wasn't ready now. Not yet.

The first thing to do, he thought, was make up for his own wrongs. He stood and left the bridge, heading to Piper's lab where he figured she might me.

Piper was just coming back to her lab when she ran into him in the hallway. "Piper . . ." Aerrow began.

"Pardon me," Piper told him, furrowing her brow. "I've got more important things to do!" She brushed him aside and headed for the lab.

"Piper, wait . . ." He wasn't quick enough.

The door slammed in his face. Aerrow turned and walked back to his room. He couldn't do anything right today, not even apologizing for being wrong.


	5. Chapter 5: Being Strong

Okay, I will take the opportunity to say again that there are no intended pairings in this fic. All "sweets spots" are merely friendship.

* * *

Chapter 5: Being Strong

_It seems you are not strong enough. Yet never deny the power of friendship and the relief of letting go._

Aerrow was only in his room long enough for him to realize that Piper might be right. Maybe he should stop moping. The realization of that took a couple hours of guilty reflection, but he decided he was going to try his apology again. He also owed Finn and Junko an apology, he guessed. The thought of that made him wonder where in the world Stork got off to. Maybe the Merb had read his mind about the picture thing.

Aerrow stood and headed for Piper's room. She wasn't there. Figures. She was probably in the lab. He went there. Nothing. The kitchen maybe? No.

At last, he headed toward the bridge. The door was closed. He was about to press the button to open it when he heard voices from behind it. "He's just been a jerk all day . . ." Aerrow stopped. Where they talking about him? He pressed his ear to the door, picturing his friends all gathered at the round table.

Finn was talking. "You know, this morning I found him asleep in the kitchen. He was grumbling at me and I didn't even do anything! He snapped at me when I asked him to spar."

"He hasn't been very nice to me, either," another voice complained sorrowfully. Junko. "He wouldn't even listen to me."

"What about you, Piper?" Finn asked.

"Why don't you ask _him_?!" Piper grumbled in response.

"They had a fight," Stork's voice came. "I heard it."

Aerrow bit his lip. This was hard for him to listen to, but his feet were frozen to the ground.

"A fight?" Finn asked. "Aerrow and Piper had a fight? They never fight. It's _my_ job to fight with Piper."

Piper didn't say anything to add to the subject.

"So where've you been?" Junko asked one of them.

It must have been Stork he was asking because the Merb answered. "Staying away from everyone. Didn't you know? Grief makes you susceptible to illness." There was a silence and Aerrow could picture everyone giving Stork a weird look. Then the silence was broken by Junko. "But Aerrow is always okay. He's always there for us."

"Not anymore," Finn grumbled.

Aerrow sighed. He had to fix this. He stood up straight and opened the door, stepping inside.

Every turned to look at him. They seemed surprised, but Finn was over it quickly. "Oh," he said tartly, "it's you."

Aerrow opened his mouth to give a sharp remark in return but caught himself guiltily. He looked down at his feet, trying to form the words he wanted to say. "I-I'm sorry," he said at last. He raised his head but didn't look at them. "I'm sorry about the way I've been acting. It was wrong." He turned to Piper and said, "You were right. I'm just being selfish." He stopped a minute before adding, "And I'm sorry I'm not strong enough."

Everyone's eyes widened in surprise at the final words, but Aerrow didn't wait for their reaction. He turned and left.

Piper stared after him. Stork shook his head. Finn and Junko exchanged glances. Not strong enough?

* * *

Piper set the table for dinner. Everyone sat down soberly as she put a plate in each spot with the exception of one. Even after everyone sat down, however, there were two empty seats and one abandoned plate. "Where's Aerrow?" Junko asked tentatively. No one answered. No one had seen him since his apology.

Piper stood. "I'll go find him," she suggested. She had a pretty good idea of where he could be.

She made her way to the outside deck of the _Condor_. Her guess was right. He was there, leaning on the rail of the deck and staring up at the stars.

Piper approached him. "Hey, Aerrow, dinner's ready."

Aerrow didn't respond.

Piper tried again. "Are you coming?"

"I'm not hungry," Aerrow answered. He didn't turn to look at her.

Piper wasn't sure what to do. She asked him, "Do you want to be alone?"

Aerrow wavered. "Yes," he said slowly and hesitantly. "I mean, no," he contradicted quickly. "I mean . . ." He set his elbows on the railing and buried his face in his hands. "I don't know."

Piper felt helpless. Aerrow was normally the strong one, sturdy and confident. Everyone had assumed that he was unstoppable and could help them through anything. It was his apology today that had enlightened them all that their Sky Knight needed support as much as the rest of them, if not more so. Piper wasn't quite sure how to give that support.

Finally she figured she'd start off right if she started off the way he had. With an apology. "I'm sorry," she told Aerrow. "We're all sorry."

Aerrow lifted his head to look at her, and she was able to see the dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep. He looked a little windblown. "Sorry about what?" he asked.

"Not being the friends we should be," Piper answered.

Aerrow looked confused. "What are you talking about?"

"You told us you thought you weren't strong enough," Piper said. "We're sorry we made you feel like you had to be. Or at least I am." She placed a hand on Aerrow's shoulder. "You don't have to be strong for us. We're your friends, Aerrow. We want to be here for you. _I_ want to be here for you."

Aerrow looked away, and Piper got the feeling he was hiding his feelings again. He did that a lot when he was upset, it seemed. She peered closer to get a better look at his face and was surprised to find he was crying. It wasn't as if he were sobbing or sniffling. He was silent as tears were sliding down his cheeks.

Before Piper had thought it through, she pulled Aerrow closer and hugged him and felt him return the embrace. His grip was slacked at first, and he buried his face in her shoulder. His grip gradually tightened, and he began to sniffle. Then it was like something broke inside him. He clung to Piper for dear life, sobbing. Piper held him back, feeling her own tears coming and burying her face into the crook of his neck.

They stayed like that for what seemed like eternity, although it was probably only a few minutes. At last, Aerrow let go and drew away sniffling. "Thank you," he choked quietly.

Piper nodded. "I think I need that, too," she said, sniffling. She held his hand, trying to lead him inside. "Come on," she said. "Dinner's probably getting cold."

"Do I look like I've been crying?" Aerrow asked.

"Do I?" was Piper's response.

"You look a little windblown."

"So do you," Piper answered, "but they're not going to care if we've been crying or not."

Aerrow shrugged and followed her inside, more than grateful that she was there. He realized as she held his hand that Finn and Piper were right. Life goes on, and letting it out was the first step to letting go.

* * *

Sorry I didn't update in a few days, but I haven't gotten a whole lot of reviews since the first chapter. Is anyone reading this other than my own cousin? If not, it be awhile before the next update. Just saying.


	6. Chapter 6: Carry On

Well, I only got one review last time other than my cousin's review, but I'll update for you, Saerphe. I still wish people would read, though. That's pretty discouraging when you threaten not to continue without reviews and you still don't get reviews.

* * *

Chapter 6: Carry On

_Although not quite happy, carry on. It will seem that there is no rain and no sunshine, no overwhelming sorrow or happiness. It is possible to smile. Yet it is realized now that anything can happen to change that._

Aerrow awoke the next morning with the strangest feeling. For the last few days, which had seemed like eternity, he had felt horrible. No as Aerrow opened his eyes, he felt . . . normal. He sat on his bed a moment contemplating it. The feeling of being normal was now so foreign to him that it took him a time to realize why his heart felt so unburdened.

Aerrow stood and stretched, and then began dressing for the day. Hopefully they could leave Terra Atmosia today. They never stayed in one place very long, not because they didn't want to, but because Aerrow never wanted to. He always had wanderlust.

The only reason they hadn't left Atmosia yet was because grief had shut down the young Sky Knight. But today, Aerrow felt different. He still wasn't happy, but he was whole. He had found peace, acceptance, and now he was finding strength. He had reached the point where he knew that he could continue on.

The Sky Knight stepped out of his room and headed for the kitchen. It was his job to see that everything was as it should be, although there are times, he admitted to himself, where he let Piper take care of that for him. She never complained, though. She'd tell him if she really had a problem with it, right? Or would she? Now that Aerrow thought of it, he wasn't all that sure. Perhaps she would, or has been, leaving hints that he hasn't been picking up, expecting him to understand.

Girls can be so complicated.

Aerrow got to the kitchen and was surprised to find Piper there. Correction: He was surprised to find Piper there not making breakfast. (After all, she is the best cook on the _Condor_, however much Junko thinks _he_ is, and almost always cooks.) Instead, she was sitting at the table, looking downcast. "Piper?" Aerrow asked.

Piper looked up. "Oh, hey," she greeted him unenthusiastically.

"Something wrong?"

Piper shrugged.

"Come on," Aerrow encouraged. "I'm here for you as much as you're here for me. I can handle it now, I promise."

"I just miss him," Piper mumbled.

Aerrow nodded in understanding, putting an arm around Piper's shoulder and pulling up a chair next to her. Piper laid her head on his shoulder, and this time he let it stay there.

Aerrow thought of something that might cheer her up. "Hey," he whispered to her, "do you remember when Radarr used to give everyone puppy eyes whenever they were eating and he wasn't? He was always looking for scraps."

"Him and Junko both," Piper agreed. Aerrow was encouraged to see a smile spreading across her lips.

"And he liked to chase bugs for some odd reason," Aerrow recalled.

"And steal Finn's hair gel," Piper added. She thought about it. "And now that I think about it, my sandcakes aren't disappearing like they used to, either." They chuckled lightly at this.

"Remember how he drove us out of the Great Expanse?" Aerrow said. "He was able to do what he wanted to do most."

"What about when he first met the Wren's hen? He got himself a girlfriend!"

"Or how 'bout the time he was swallowed by the Leviathan?"

"Or when he saved the Atmos by destroying the Exopod?"

"Or when we accidentally left him on our way to Terra Neon?"

So they sat their reminiscing, and as they did Aerrow found himself doing a very odd thing . . . smiling.

* * *

Slowly, one by one, the Storm Hawks had gotten up. The tension and overwhelming grief they'd all felt the other day was gone. Instead there was a melancholy warmness in the air. Aerrow made sure that he talked with Junko, and, although he didn't spar, he played a board game with Finn as they told jokes and stories. It was such a relief to Aerrow's system to laugh again.

Aerrow had kept Stork busy with taking care of the _Condor_ for most of the morning. He had found that Stork best dealt with grief by keeping busy, and the Merb could never do enough for the _Condor_. Now, as midday approached, Aerrow was going to talk to him about leaving when Starling entered the bridge.

"Is this a bad time?" she questioned.

Aerrow blinked in surprise at seeing her but recovered quickly. "No, not at all."

Starling was looking around at all of them with concern, her eyes lingering on Aerrow a bit longer than the rest. "How are things here?" she asked.

Aerrow felt as if it were his place to answer. "We're getting along."

Starling nodded. "Good," she said. She studied them almost enviously. "It's good you have each other still."

She turned to Aerrow. "And now for the real reason I'm here," she began. "The Sky Knight Council sent me here with a message for Sky Knight Aerrow." She gave him a piece of parchment.

Aerrow took it and began to read:

_By order of the Sky Knight Council, approved by members Crow, Lance, Samuel . . ._

He scanned, trying to get to the point of the message. Ah, there:

_Having examined your report, we hereby wish to recognize you as an official Sky Knight squadron in defense of justice, domestic tranquility, and the common welfare of citizens of the free Atmos and in the unification of the Terras._

Aerrow stared at the paper without reading any further. He couldn't believe it.

His surprise must have shown. "What?" Finn asked impatiently.

Aerrow had to absorb it a moment further before he could answer. "They want to make us official."

"But that's great news," Piper said. "Isn't it?"

"It would have been three days ago," Aerrow mumbled. Bitterness had risen up into his chest. Why now? Why did it have to be now?

"When do they want us there?" Stork asked cautiously.

Aerrow scanned the page again. "It just says 'promptly'."

"They told me that you are to come immediately."

"Can't get any prompter than that," Stork commented.

* * *

The remaining Storm Hawks and Starling stood in front of the council desk, waiting for the Head of Council to find the sheet he had filled out when they had first come to register. Aerrow tapped his foot impatiently before stealing a glance at Starling, who shifted from foot to foot uneasily. He had asked that she be present, and she seemed uncomfortable, probably trying to figure out why she was there.

At last, the Head of Council found the paper. "Here we are." He read it off. "Storm Hawks. Under command of Sky Knight Aerrow. Members: Aerrow—Sky Knight and Leader. Finn—Wingman and Sharpshooter. Junko—Flight Engineer and Heavy Ballistics. Piper—Navigation and Tactics. Stork—Carry Pilot. Radarr . . ." Here Aerrow froze and the Head of Council paused. "I guess I shall have to mark out . . ."

"No," Aerrow said firmly.

The Head of Council glanced up. "No?"

"Radarr was a Storm Hawk," Aerrow explained. "He will be registered like the rest of us."

The Head of Council stared at him for a moment, seeming to decide just how serious Aerrow was being. At last he nodded sympathetically. "Radarr—Mission Specialist."

"And sir?"

The Head of Council peered down at him through his glasses. "Yes?"

"I'd like to name my heir."

The Head of Council seemed surprised. "Aren't you a little young to worrying about such things?"

"I've learned recently, sir, that anything can happen," Aerrow responded.

The Head of Council wet his pen. "Who did you have in mind?"

"Sky Knight Starling, former Sky Knight and leader of the Interceptors." Aerrow spoke without hesitation, stealing a glance at Starling's startled face.

The Head of Council found humor in this. "Normally I would suggest choosing an heir younger than yourself."

"I want to be prepared for anything," Aerrow insisted, "and I don't know anyone better to lead my team."

"Sky Knight Starling," the Head of Council now said, addressing the older Sky Knight, "you are over eighteen as well as having gone through the Sky Knight Trials and being rightfully knighted and having been a recognized servant of the common defense of Terra Mesa and the free Atmos. Therefore, you have a voice in this. Do you wish to be the heir of the Storm Hawks' Sky Knight?"

Starling hesitated. Aerrow stared at her, hoping that this wasn't a mistake, hoping he wasn't pushing her into anything. _Please,_ he begged silently. _Please say yes._

At last, Starling spoke. "I do," she said solemnly.

The Head of Council added this to the paper. "Very well," he said. He handed the pen to Aerrow and pushed the book of registrations toward him. "Sign here, please."

Aerrow read over the page before he did so. The Storm Hawks actually took up two pages. One was of the old Storm Hawks. Aerrow could see his name listed as the heir underneath the name of the Sky Knight. His eyes caught the initials beside the Sky Knight's name: DD. On a Sky Knight squadron registration form, initials beside the name of a member told a reason as to their absence in combat. R, like the one Aerrow guessed was on Wren's name, stood for "retired." W meant "wounded." M was "missing in action." D was for "deserted". DD was for "deceased"—dead.

As Aerrow scanned, he saw that every member of the previous Storm Hawks had two D's by their name, as was to be expected. Except for one. This one had just one D. _B for "betray" would have been more accurate,_ Aerrow thought bitterly. There was no question as to who that person was. It was the Dark Ace.

Now Aerrow looked over the newer page with their names on it. He was satisfied to see everything was just the way the Head of Council had read aloud, along with the Starling's name as the heir underneath Aerrow's name. However, his heart almost stopped beating when he reached the bottom of the list. There, next to Radarr's name, where the initials DD.

Almost mechanically, Aerrow signed the paper. He gave the book and pen back with mumbled thanks and left abruptly, feeling the need to decide how he felt about the whole thing outside of the council hall.

Once outside, there was an uneasy quiet, finally broken by Finn. "So this is what it's like to be official?" Finn asked. "I don't feel any different."

Starling turned to Aerrow. "You know, he was right. It's better to have an heir younger than yourself."

"Just in case," Aerrow argued. "Besides, who could I possibly pick who is younger than me?"

"Are you expecting anything to happen to you?"

"No," Aerrow answered. "But I wasn't expecting anything to happen to Radarr, either. This way, I know my team will be taken care of."

Starling nodded. "How are you coping?"

Aerrow thought about all his anger and hurt in the past few days and the happiness and laughter that morning. He thought of Radarr and pictured not the bag in the grave that he'd seen before but his happy smiling self has he leaped up onto Aerrow's shoulder. He thought of seeing the DD initials beside Radarr's name. Even then, he realized that those initials had not caused him grief. Instead they had finalized it once and for all that Radarr was gone, and he was not coming back. Somehow, such finalization gave Aerrow a little peace of mind.

He answered, "I can face another day."


	7. Chapter 7: Living In Memory

Yes, finally! More reviewers! Thank you so much Crimson Fox4, Trawnyfur, and catspaw! And now for the last chapter!

* * *

Chapter 7: Living in Memory

_No matter what happens, loved ones will always be with you._

As soon as they were back on the _Condor_, Finn turned to the others. "We should have a party to celebrate."

Piper seemed a little uncertain. "Don't you think it's a little too soon for a party?" she asked.

"What's wrong with having one right after we get back?" Finn insisted. "It's the best time!"

Piper looked down at her feet and mumbled, "That's not what I meant."

Aerrow glanced at her and realized that, although she had not sunk as low as he had in her mourning, she hadn't yet risen up again. He tried to meet her eyes. He was ready for a party, but he'd only allow it if they could all enjoy it. In her eyes, he could see she wasn't ready. "We'll celebrate later, Finn," he said at last.

He glanced at Piper again and saw her giving him silent thanks.

Finn looked disappointed. "How much later is 'later'?" he asked.

Aerrow thought a moment. "We'll treat ourselves," he assured him. "We'll leave for Terra Neon in morning."

Junko shrugged and Finn sighed in exasperation. "That's two days from here!" he exclaimed.

"Two days to get ready," Aerrow reminded him.

A smile brightened Finn's and Junko's faces. "Hey, you're right!" exclaimed Junko. He and Finn ran off the bridge, deciding on what they would do when they got there and what they would bring.

Aerrow turned to Piper. "Think you'll be okay by then?"

Piper shrugged. "Yeah, I'll be fine." She turned to the pilot. "Hey Stork, you haven't mentioned anything about 'doom' all week."

Stork thought about it. "So?"

Aerrow raised an eyebrow. That wasn't like Stork at all. "Are you sure you're not infected with mindworms?" he asked, trying to coax it out of him.

Stork's eyes widened. "My gosh, your right!" he exclaimed. "Grief leaves one highly susceptible to mindworms! Their probably already eating away at my brain! And I've probably already given them to you. Oh, we're doomed!"

Aerrow and Piper exchanged glances and smiled. That was more like the Stork they knew. Things were starting to go back to normal—at least as normal as they could ever be again.

* * *

The next day, Aerrow found himself standing on top of a hill with a pile of stones in front of him. In less than an hour, the others would be up and ready to go to Terra Neon. Aerrow had gotten up ahead of time so that he might come here . . . alone.

He stared at the grave regretfully as he realized it didn't even have a marker. Picking up a large slab of rock, he pulled forth one of his blades and carefully carved: _Here lies Radarr, a heroic Storm Hawk and faithful friend._ With all his might, he stuck it into the ground. It wasn't much, but it would do until they could find something better.

Aerrow stared at the grave. He didn't really know what he was doing there or what he had to say. He wasn't even sure that he had anything to say.

He stood there for what seemed like eternity until at last he said, "Goodbye."

And that was it. This was the final farewell. This was goodbye. Goodbye forever. The end.

Yet as Aerrow walked away, an image of Radarr running along at his side on one of their daring missions played in his mind, and he realized that, although he was gone, in his heart there was the memory of him, and there he would always be.


End file.
